“Really? I thought that one was right?” says priest Jimmy Clusterfield after botching yet another attempt at the Sacrament Prayer.
President Monson leaves the 99 to find the lost 1. And to throw a killer party for it so it’ll come back to the fold.
This small band of bearded revolutionaries learned that fighting against the largest anti-beard force in Utah is as effective as dry shaving with an old, rusty razor.
One man’s lifetime of beliefs are erased by a strongly-worded Internet comment.
Oh, the bells, bells, bells!
What a tale their terror tells
How they clang, and clash and roar!
What a horror they outpour
On the bosom of the palpitating air!
Yet the ear, it fully knows,
By the twanging,
And the clanging,
How the danger ebbs and flows;
Yet the ear distinctly tells,
In the jangling,
And the wrangling,
How the danger sinks and swells,
By the sinking or the swelling in the anger of the bells—
Of the bells—
Of the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells—
In the clamor and the clanging of the bells!
—Prophetically said by the late Edgar Allen Poe
Members who struggle paying a full tithe are encouraged to spend 10% of their income at City Creek Mall, as the sacred funds end up in the same place anyway.
In Ashley's latest epistle to the Bunyion editors, she conveys in no uncertain terms her intense displeasure regarding the recent stake president elections.
This scorching email from a valued reader made us aware of some serious problems. The jr. writer responsible for the General Authority trading card article wishes to express his deepest apologies and has been fired to prevent any future flagrant mistakes in reporting the news.
This email from one of our readers encourages inflicting hardships on our local missionaries to build their faith through trials, matching the experiences found in most non-Utah missions.
After this scathing letter we received, we pledge to work tirelessly to find the the best news from the best sources and to renew the trust that was broken.
Hold the phone! It was made public Wednesday evening that Carly Rae Jepsen has canceled her participation in Provo’s annual Stadium of …