SALT LAKE CITY — After decades of faithful belief and church activity, area man Hyrum Taylor renounced his beliefs and church membership after reading an “anti-Mormon” rant on an Internet comment section.
“The self-evident logic in the argument that ‘mormon’s are fagz lol’ was undeniable and made me instantly know that my years of missionary work, scripture study, and general Christian charity and love of my fellow man had been a complete, idiotic waste of time,” recounted Taylor while a tattoo artist engraved “SOUL CRUSHER” in bold letters above his left bicep.
“I could tell by the extensive and creative use of profanity displayed by this Internet commentator that my years of testimony and deeply held beliefs were completely wrong,” continued Taylor, who has since dyed his hair black and made all manner of deals with the devil.
“I just wish more people had posted online proving how wrong I was about my deeply personal and thought-out testimony that Jesus was my loving savior and redeemer,” said Taylor. “We need more people online brazenly correcting the false beliefs of people that believe differently than them.”
Taylor offered this final advice for anyone wishing to bring their Mormon brothers and sisters to the light: “Post your comments in all capitals. When you explain that ‘ALL MORMANZ CAN BURN IN HELL’ in response to popular Mormon ads on YouTube, people need to know that you don’t mess around. And if you haven’t used every swear word you know, you aren’t doing it right. Nothing conveys the authority of truth like eye-bleeding profanity.”