Can’t Afford Tithing? Pay 10% at City Creek Mall

SALT LAKE CITY- The thought has crossed the minds of many Latter Day Saints: I can’t afford to pay 10% of my income to the church, but I can afford to spend 10% on luxurious, hand-finished Pandora jewelry at the City Creek Mall. This was the reasoning of Salt Lake’s Thomas McMammon, bishop of the Salt Lake West 135th ward, as he instituted the new ‘Shop for the Lord’ policy.

“My counselors and I have been seeking revelation on ways to increase the number of members that pay a full tithe. With the economic climate, many members feel their money is better spent on ‘wants’ such as credit card payments, college education, or 10 pound bags of wheat. Now they can ‘Shop for the Lord.’ When members spend 10% of their income at City Creek mall, the Lord gets His 10%, and the members get their ornaments, iPads, and earrings. Everyone goes home happy.”

When asked about the new policy, 135th ward Relief Society President Ashley began to cry and whispered, “Many people say they would die for Christ. Not everyone says they would shop for Christ.”

Susan Willson, a member of the Salt Lake West 135th ward said, “I plan on bearing my testimony every month till I die about the new City Creek tithing change. For the first time in our lives we can afford the latest Donny Osmond and Mormon Tabernacle Choir CD’s- truly a blessing of being a full tithe payer!”

If you hurry into Deseret Book within the next week with last year’s tax records, you can receive a 10% discount for spending 10% of your taxable income. Shop Manager Ellen Marksson comments, “We’re all about doing things in percentages of 10s.”

City Creek
The framed version of this print is available at a special discounted price for all BunYion readers. Just mention your bunion to any Deseret Book worker. They’ll know what to do.

The Brethren have yet to release an official statement regarding this incredible idea. However, it is the opinion of this reporter that the Brethren will enthusiastically embrace this new policy as well as keep the current law of tithing as it is.

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  • Derek Davidson

    So…am I supposed to turn in receipts from CCMall or something?

    • Steven van Dijk

      Not at all. Simply spend the required amount at the mall, and the Lord will see that you paid an honest tithe and bless you richly! 🙂

  • dba.brotherp

    What an inspired program! I have long prayed for the day in which I can have my cake and eat it too when it comes to tithing. I will be sure to spend “gross” instead of “net.” After all, who wants “net” blessings or “net” items from the lord’s mall.

  • Russ Stewart

    I called the mall, but they din’t have any more 10% coupons. Do you have any left?

    • Steven van Dijk

      Unfortunately, that promotion has ended. Fortunately, Deseret Book is now offering a 10% discount when you buy a 10 pack of quads.

  • Timery Reis

    Is this a joke?

    • Cathy

      Timery, yes I believe it is what is known as satire. “The Bunyion” conveniently rhymes with another satirical magazine called “The Onion”….

  • mike0629

    This is just…..AWESOME…lol

  • mike0629

    I gotta say, I am a non-member living here in Utah. The comments section on all of your stories is the best part usually….lol