“Malaysia Airlines Flight Probably Translated,” says Mormon Professor

MADISON, WI — A Mormon professor made a public announcement indicating that the Malaysia Airlines flight that has been lost for almost a week has been “translated.”

In the Mormon theology, “translated” means to be taken up to God. Professor Joseph McConkey of the University of Wisconsin indicated that “the righteousness of those on board probably exceeded anything ever seen before, and the plane was presumably taken up to Zion. Families of those in the plane should receive comfort in knowing their loved ones are with Enoch and Joseph.”

malaysia
A picture of the Malaysia Airlines plane that may have been taken up into Heaven, according to Professor McConkey

Others have hypothesized that the lost plane is with the lost ten tribes of Israel, but the scholar made no comment on this speculation.

“Those in the airplane must have been living the law of consecration by sharing their seats, even with overweight passengers, annoying children, or those with strong BO,” McConkey continued. Malaysia Airlines executives even indicated that, in fact, there were no first or second-class seats in the plane, but that “all passengers were united in purpose.”

The executives also pointed out that a home and visiting teaching program was established prior to boarding, and all visits were completed within an hour. “If all wards did this, we would all be translated,” said the Mormon scholar.

Security personnel from the United Nations expanded the search to include where Mormons believe Christ will come again, Independence, Missouri, despite warnings from church leaders that “the time is not yet for the plane to return. And when it does, what a glorious day it shall be!”

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  • richdanny

    not funny. If your family had a member on that airplane and someone tweeted this to # families of flight 370. This is hurtful.

    • William Evertz

      Considering there are more English speakers on MH370 then there are comments on this article. You needn’t worry.

      • richdanny

        Normally I like the Bunyion. Especially the GA cards. But you have people out there truly suffering because they have no idea where their family members are and this is making fun of it.

        • William Evertz

          I think some people are missing the true satire here. We assume that with all our technology and global connections that we have some sort of control over things going on in the world. No one stops to remember that it is all in God’s hands.

          • Marc Dantonio

            Hmmm I have this philosophical issue with God then… Why does god allow small children to burn to death in horrifying terror and pain in a house fire? Why does God oversee the death’s of an entire family with young children in a car accident? What kind of God is that? Certainly not one that is worth MY time nor adulation.
            The worst part is that many people after a horrific tornado or tsunami or other disaster will be found saying insipid things like “Thank God more people didnt die!”… Well, do you then CURSE God for causing it in the first place??? You cant say that everything is in “God’s hands” without assigning the deaths caused by accidents and natural disasters etc on him.
            That mentality puts you into a camp of people who will say that 9-11 was God’s will.. Not MY God. MY God doesnt do such asinine things… So that is the philosophical problem I have. If we are to believe that everything is in ‘his’ hands then God is a vindictive spiteful monster who kills people left and right and allows terrorists to cut off heads and more. Who wants a God like that???

          • wendell

            You asked a lot of questions…I’ll get back to you.

  • roland

    This is indeed funny.

  • dba.brotherp

    I agree with richdanny that this is not funny because everyone knows that only “white and delightsome” people are righteous enough to be translated.

  • Wildnwooley

    Oh puhleez!

  • Marc Dantonio

    If this guy is just saying that the plane likely crashed and everyone died then I would have to agree…