After the great Mormon dynasties of the McConkies, Youngs, and Romneys, a new dynasty looks to establish itself in Mormondom: Duck Dynasty.
“BYUtv is excited for the opportunity to share the message of Duck Dynasty with the fallen world in which we live,” said Jeremy Calhoun, spokesman for the BYUtv network.
The television stars were apprehensive at first about appearing on the Utah-based network after recent changes to Utah laws regarding polygamy and gay marriage.
“Utah was doing the best out of all the states—banning gays from sinning against themselves and gettin’ polygamy out—but now they’re changin’ face and going back to their old sinful ways,” said Phil Robertson. “Mormons are good people and we love ‘em, but they need Jesus. Right now they are likely to burn in a lake of fire and brimstone if they don’t repent and follow Jesus.”
Robertson finally decided that the move was necessary after hearing the words of past General Authority J. Golden Kimball.
“When I heard that he said ‘I may not always walk the straight and narrow, but I sure in hell try to cross it as often as I can.’ I decided that we could join with these people,” said the patriarch of the southern family.
Still to be determined is whether or not Duck Dynasty’s stars will need to shave their beards in order to star on BYUtv. Phil Robertson commented, “I mean, Brigham had a beard didn’t he? That’s a man I wish was a Christian.”
After The BunYion released this article, BYUtv released a statement:
“We will be suspending Phil Robertson from Duck Dynasty on BYUtv until further notice.”