BYU Dental School Opens Fall 2014

PROVO- In a press conference earlier today, BYU announced the new Life Sciences Building would be home to the BYU School of Dentistry coming Fall 2014.

Dentistry
Life Science building hangs banner today announcing the new dental school.

BYU pre-dental student David Stillbaum said, “Having a dental school here at BYU means that I have an extra four years in Provo to find a wife.”

Another BYU student, Tiffany Willis said, “Wow! Now I am only going to date dental students! That way, I won’t have to try to get a job with my humanities major.”

One future professor, Dr. Joshua Barnes D.D.S., Ph.D. said, “We are planning on providing free dental care for the MTC and local missionaries, local general authorities, and BYU professors. We will provide free dental care to BYU students for a small, monthly fee.”

Dr. Eric Stevenson D.D.S., Ph. D., the future dean of the school said, “We plan on integrating gospel principles into our curriculum. Most students will graduate with a Masters in Religious Studies as well as a D.D.S. We hope that this will make our dentists into great missionaries and dental care providers.”

Because of recent studies (see graph) regarding the missionary effectiveness of dentists, the LDS church is excited to fund the school. The official statement from the Missionary Department said, “Dentists are effective missionaries because patients trust their dentists and can’t talk during lessons.”

Figure 1. Dentists out-perform missionaries each month.
Figure 1. Dentists out-perform missionaries on average.

To submit an application, please submit a 1000 word essay to the Wilkinson Center Information Desk summarizing your academic, leadership, and service qualifications. Also, include a $60 check made out to “BYU School of Dentistry”.

 

  • Dr. Phil Greenburg, D.D.S.

    This announcement is absolutely appalling. As a long time practicing dentist in Utah valley, I can’t believe BYU would choose a self-serving reason to open a dental school. Do they not know what impact that will have on the community? If they start offering free services to everyone wearing a nametag, I’ll loose enough business that I’ll have to start working 5 days a week. I’m going to bring this up at the next UAPD meeting. BYU better be expecting a boycott!

    • David

      This is the Bunyion, which means this is fake news. (Similar to The Onion.)

      • William Evertz

        Phil Greenburg is the name of a fictitious doctor from the 1947 film Gentleman’s Agreement. Thanks for reading the BunYion!

  • http://toothdome.com John E Goodrich DDS

    Seems like a great idea, especially for serving underprivileged missionaries at the MTC. I do however see a possible conflict of interest if financially capable patients are given privileges at the school. That should be avoided. I know because there’s a government subsidized clinic in my home town and there is some conflict in this regard. Our taxes shouldn’t be supporting the completion. Neither should our tithes, enough said……………

    • http://toothdome.com John E Goodrich DDS

      Competition

  • http://toothdome.com John E Goodrich DDS

    Yes, this hilarious. I typed my comment late the other night while tired & not thinking before I hit the SEND button. Very witty & funny posting. Way to go designers !…….. John