Missionaries Revolt at MTC

PROVO- Letters received and sent from DearElder.com over the past few days confirmed suspicions of a revolt and ongoing siege at the Missionary Training Center.

According to sources close to the event, a group of fifteen missionaries has blocked access in and out of one of the main residence halls of the MTC after they became “fed up” with not getting to serve in what they described as a “cool” mission.

This Elder was detained for not abiding by the white shirt and tie dress code of the MTC.
This Elder was detained for not abiding by the white shirt and tie dress code of the MTC.

The Church has responded to the small revolt by issuing the following statement “Those Elders involved will be relegated to junior companion for the rest of their missions.”

The group, all consisting of 18-year-olds headed somewhere in the United States, stated that it felt like they were getting a “raw deal” and “deserved more” than their counterparts travelling overseas.

“It just sucks, bro,” said one of the missionaries interviewed during the holdout, “I’ve been to Mexico for spring break and I even studied Spanish in high school so I know Spanish, bro.”

The group of 18-year-olds may worry General Authorities of the LDS Church after changing the age requirements from 19 to 18 for boys and 21 to 19 for girls. Many are beginning to see the problem with the age change as the new missionaries, known as “greenies”, seem clueless as they leave home for the first time.

Recent studies show new 18-year-old missionaries as a whole are 675% less likely to “have any idea what is going on” in comparison to 19-year-old missionaries of previous generations. Unsurprisingly, when asked why they were barricaded in the halls, one missionary shrugged his shoulders while another panicked after realizing he wasn’t with his companion.

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  • Trent

    I can’t believe I haven’t read this one yet. Brilliant.

  • Planet Noize

    That sucks bro