Starbucks Opens in Provo Amid Protests

PROVO — Protesters braved 14 degree weather to share their discontent with the opening of a Starbucks* in Provo, Utah. Led by a Amy Sanderson, President of STOC (Students that Oppose Caffeine), protesters held signs up with pictures of yellow-stained teeth.

“I am appalled that we would allow a shop in Provo that has spent its entire existence creating addictions,” says Sanderson, a junior at BYU. ”There is no reason we need a drug-laced drink shop in Provo.”

Another protester, Jacob Nelson, illustrated the problem with allowing a new Starbucks. “Listen, I love hot chocolate, but they make it right next to the coffee. How can I be sure a few coffee beans aren’t slipping into my hot chocolate?”

Even Reverend Billy and the gospel choir made it all the way from New York to protest Starbucks.
Even Reverend Billy and the gospel choir made it all the way from New York to protest Starbucks.

Despite the protests, Starbucks looks like it will become a popular destination for BYU students. Thirty students, predominately English majors from Seattle and Portland, camped outside the shop the night before its opening.

One camper defended the opening of the Starbucks, saying, “I like the feeling of elitism I have while having a hot chocolate at Starbucks. It’s important to me to have a sense of superiority over local Utah students.”

Coffee Break
“Starbucks consistently affirms my superiority over my  peers,” said Shayla Delaney

Starbucks has tried hard to reach out to the BYU community, and even showed up to a local YSA activity with free hot chocolate. Students at the activity admitted feeling uncomfortable, but loosened up quickly after the bishop took a drink.

Starbucks has attempted to open a Provo shop for years, but was consistently rebuffed by the local city council. In 2012, after Mitt Romney was spotted at the Orem Starbucks, Provo city council immediately approved the Starbucks bid for a building.

 

*Starbucks doesn’t support the BunYion either.

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  • dba.brotherp

    How sad it is to see the youth of today falling for the worldly pleasures of the devil’s brew and putting their eternal salvation at risk. Sure, people that patronize this sin peddling shop make look and even act happy but we all know that they are really miserable.

    • Taylor Larsen

      No way in Hades that one could be happy about doing something so evil and malicious as drinking coffee. I mean, you can see the internal gloom on those girls’ faces.

    • Alexis

      you can bag on starbucks all you want. but NO ONE threw a fit about chik-fil-a moving in, a store that sells iced tea all over the rest of the country ( they probably sell it here too, but im not certain). There are bars in provo. I dont see a hullabaloo about that. I understand the desire to want a wholesome environment, but calling coffee the devils brew is a bit extreme.

    • Carrie Cecil

      Oh god-please! Get over your self-righteous self!!

  • barbara

    oh i drink coffee im so malisious !!!!!! god get real people

    • SATIRE

      sat·ire
      ˈsaˌtīr/
      noun
      1.
      the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.
      synonyms:mockery, ridicule, derision, scorn, caricature; More

      IT’S NOT REAL!

      • Iron E Wood E

        Barbra was being sarcastic/ ironic whilst overlooking the articles sarcasm/ irony. That… is very ironic.

    • Taylor Larsen

      At least you admit it. First step: Check.

    • William Evertz

      Step 2: remorse.

      “OMG. I can’t believe I took that seriously!”

    • Dubya

      Umh… Malicious is spelled with a “C” there buckaroo…
      It’s funny as hell to me that these poor people get so hung up on calling something like caffeine “addictive”. They wouldn’t know a real addiction if it bit them on the rear-end. I guess that’s a good thing. Let them live in their land of the sheep. Hopefully they will never know the land of the wolves.

  • FriskyAlexander

    PS chocolate has caffeine