NCAA Begins Investigation of BYU After Athletes Given Copies of the Book of Mormon

PROVO, UT—The Provo bubble might be popped if the NCAA decides to pursue sanctions on BYU for illicit gift giving that included free Sunday meals at Grandma’s house, rides to the grocery store, and copies of the Book of Mormon.

Current reports only implicate the football program, but further investigations revealed a much deeper NCAA probe. College sport’s governing body is looking into what it sees as a “clear pattern of preferential treatment and illicit gift-giving,” gifts that include brand new CTR rings and free grocery-run rides to Wal-Mart.

The BunYion also found that at least four non-LDS athletes, all top recruits for programs like men’s field hockey and women’s sumo wrestling, were, against NCAA rules, given copies of the Book of Mormon. Said one athletic department employee under investigation, “That potential top player for our women’s kickball team was a four-star recruit who came all of the way from Reno, and I knew that offering my simple testimony taped inside that copy of the Book of Mormon was entering a terrible gray area in NCAA governance.”

Hundreds of copies were given to athletes in the hopes that they would play at BYU.
Hundreds of copies were given to athletes in the hopes that they would play at BYU.

Copies of the Book of Mormon are not the only illicit means that the NCAA alleges have been used to entice top athletes to commit to BYU. In interviews with students in and out of athletics, the NCAA has found evidence of “having the racquetball team over for Sunday dinner” as well several students colluding to provide the best “pieces of sacrament bread to members of both the university’s dodgeball and wiffle ball teams.”

In an exclusive interview with BYU Director of Athletics Tom Holmoe, Holmoe told The BunYion, “we have to take full responsibility for any breach of NCAA policy that may have occurred, and I’m insisting on complete openness with NCAA investigators across campus.”

Holmoe continued, “if we did something wrong, we want to make it right. We know that we are held to a higher standard, so if one of our capture the flag recruits was smiled at more than the NCAA allows, we will take responsibility for that violation, since here at BYU, that violation is just as serious as the new cars, phony summer jobs, tens of thousands of dollars in under-the-table payments, free shoes, alcohol, drugs, and prostitutes that are given to football and basketball players at schools like the University of Utah.”

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  • dba.brotherp

    Congrats to the BunYion for breaking this eye-opening story of religious intolerance. Elder Oaks warned us that this would happen. The world may say that the U’s success was due to having better football, basketball, baseball, volleyball, gymnastic, hockey, kickball, sumo, and beer pong teams. And the world may say that the U’s graduates are offered better jobs with more money but we know this was all due to religious intolerance. So let us heed Elder Packer’s warning about falling in the tolerance trap and not be tolerant of religious intolerance.

  • dba.brotherp

    It’s been awhile since the BunYion has posted a story. I hope they haven’t fallen victim to the June purge.

    • Steven van Dijk

      The admins are both on extended vacations. We’ll be back.