Comment Troll Convinces Faithful Mormon to Leave Church

SALT LAKE CITY — After decades of faithful belief and church activity, area man Hyrum Taylor renounced his beliefs and church membership after reading an “anti-Mormon” rant on an Internet comment section.

“The self-evident logic in the argument that ‘mormon’s are fagz lol’ was undeniable and made me instantly know that my years of missionary work, scripture study, and general Christian charity and love of my fellow man had been a complete, idiotic waste of time,” recounted Taylor while a tattoo artist engraved “SOUL CRUSHER” in bold letters above his left bicep.

“I could tell by the extensive and creative use of profanity displayed by this Internet commentator that my years of testimony and deeply held beliefs were completely wrong,” continued Taylor, who has since dyed his hair black and made all manner of deals with the devil.

man of darkness
“I spend my extra 10% on things that are black”

“I just wish more people had posted online proving how wrong I was about my deeply personal and thought-out testimony that Jesus was my loving savior and redeemer,” said Taylor. “We need more people online brazenly correcting the false beliefs of people that believe differently than them.”

Taylor offered this final advice for anyone wishing to bring their Mormon brothers and sisters to the light: “Post your comments in all capitals. When you explain that ‘ALL MORMANZ CAN BURN IN HELL’ in response to popular Mormon ads on YouTube, people need to know that you don’t mess around. And if you haven’t used every swear word you know, you aren’t doing it right. Nothing conveys the authority of truth like eye-bleeding profanity.”

EFY Organizers Shake 2014 Program Like a Polaroid Picture
LDS Church Happily Announces that David Archuleta’s Mission Accomplished Way More than Yours
  • Soul Crusher

    I thought I told you that this entire interview was off the record! ARGGGGGHHH!

  • Amanda Beaubien

    HAHAHAHA! I don’t think I could have loved this interview more!

  • Heather

    The anti-mormon comments are not what made me decide to leave the church. It’s more because of a culture of intolerance hidden behind self-righteousness and judgement. I’m pretty sure it was Satan’s plan to make sure we all return to heaven. Jesus fought for free will. In the church, we are all oppressed by ridiculous rules that rob us of choice, and the first people to turn on you when you do screw up (because NONE of us are perfect) are our ‘perfect’ Mormon friends, because they’re trying a little too hard to be like Jesus. Don’t feel sorry for, or bother praying for me, because I feel like I have a much better understanding of God since removing my blinders, and perhaps you’re wasting your time judging people like me when you should be evaluating yourselves.