Mitt Romney to Replace Stephen Colbert on “Colbert Report”

NEW YORK—Following news that Stephen Colbert will be replacing David Letterman on the Late Show, Comedy Central confirmed Mitt Romney will be taking over for Stephen Colbert on the “Colbert Report.” Earlier today, Comedy Central released this statement:

“Stephen Colbert has played a strong conservative with great hair for the last five years. We feel it’s an upgrade to replace him with someone else who has played an even stronger conservative for over eight years and happens to have better hair.”
Mitt romneyreal

Social media activist Suey Park, credited with the #CancelColbert Twitter campaign, immediately tweeted, “I’m happy to see that Comedy Central has embraced diversity by hiring a white, conservative Mormon to run the Colbert Report.”

Expectations run high for Romney, who recently debuted his comedic timing in “The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon,” “The Late Show with David Letterman,” and his entire 2012 presidential campaign.

Romney has indicated he plans to continue many popular segments with his own twist. A few specific examples he cited include:  “Better Know a District” will change to “Better Know a Mormon Apostle.” “Cheating Death with Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A” will now be “Cheating Taxes, with Rev. Mitt Romney.” The popular “Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger” will become “Tip of the Hat, Tagg of the Finger.”

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  • larry

    This is the most offensive thing i have ever read. Who is responsible for this trite drivel? Way to set the bar to all new depths.

    • Turd Furgeson

      Agreed, this is a shameless slap in the face to anyone who has ever voted for, listened to, or otherwise sympathized as a human being with Mitt Romney. It is also probably racist and Mormophobic.

      • dba.brotherp

        I agree with Sister Turd. This story is one, big, steaming pile that need to be flushed.

    • Trevor Gowe

      How in the world is this offensive? You should most likely remove that stick.

  • John

    Wow, let’s continue to beat the crap out of Mitt Romney and marginalize Him further. Maybe that will convince him to leave the church which is apparently what the Bunyion wants. Great job, jerks.

    • Trevor Gowe

      Still reeling from losing the election?

      He’s a public figure, and this is humorous.

      Why are you capitalizing “him” when referring to Mitt… do you think he’s Jesus?

  • dba.brotherp

    My fellow Mittites know that this so-called story is evidence that the adversary is running scared. Every true Mittite knows that President Romney’s next stop is the Quorum of the Twelve.

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  • William Evertz

    Does anyone know what time slot the “Romney Report” will be?