KAYSVILLE, UT — Area mom Cindy Howard unofficially lifted her lifetime ban on bad words by telling her dog to “shut up” at family dinner last Sunday.
“It was weird, but not that weird,” said daughter Jenny. “She was so against ‘shut up’ for years but we all thought it was stupid. It makes sense that she doesn’t care anymore.”
According to sources close to the Howard family, tensions escalated earlier in the afternoon when Sister Howard told her family “I’m tired of picking up your crap” after coming back from church to a dirty house. “I thought for sure she was going to drop the ‘s’ bomb at the rate she has been going,” said her son Jacob.
Those close to the family noted that Sister Howard’s recent usage of “crap” has been limited to that of a “junk” or “garbage” equivalent, and has never been employed as a substitute for fecal matter.
“Yeah, she’s never called literal ‘crap’ anything but ‘fecal matter’. And she says fecal matter a lot,” mentioned Jenny. “Definitely more than necessary.”
Both Jenny and Jacob, ages 16 and 14, respectively, mentioned that they were told to use “strongly dislike” instead of “hate,” as well as “urinate” instead of “pee.”
“What doesn’t make sense is that ‘urinate’ is way more graphic,” noted Jenny.
“It’s actually pretty typical of Mom,” she continued. “Like when she wouldn’t let us watch Family Guy before, but now it’s like her favorite show.”
Jacob then iterated, “We’ve all been saying those words when she wasn’t around. It was a relief to hear her say it, but,” he added, “that doesn’t mean I’m going to start saying them in front of her.”
Despite these recent changes, both children agreed that Mom saying, “close the damn door” to Dad was a bit much.